Unification Is All Goddamn Over The Place
I need to yell at another popular thing. This time it’s a fan made mod for this old strategy game called Warhammer 40,000 Dawn of War, specifically the Soulstorm expansion.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 35: Introducing Like Three New Plots All At Once Makes It Difficult To Come Up With A Title For This Post
RIGHT, ENOUGH about them goddamn fucking Ascians. At least for a little while. Back to proper Scion work. Minfilia says we’ve got another case of crystal shipments are going missing. This time it’s some kind of smuggling operation, somebody selling them and keeping it off the books or something, which is a nice change of pace from all the straight up pillaging that previous beastpeeps were doing. I wonder where the moogles got all theirs from, though. If anyone were smuggling crystals I’d want to check out the guys who run the mail, but we already finished the Mog chapter.
Anyway, off to Horizon again to talk with the Brass Blades. Y'shtola and Thancred are already there.
Yay Fufulupa, he’s still cute. Nice to see him again.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 34: The Short Bus
Guuuuuuh I had to take a break, every time I tried to get this done I’d get immediately exhausted from looking at this dumb fuck’s dumb head.
Yeah that’s right, I deeply apologize but this is going to be another entire post about Ascians. If only they weren’t part of this story. at all.
Alright whudduya fucking want, asshole?
Final Fantasy 14 Part 33: The Worst Part
Man I want to go explore the political ramifications of moving our clandestine peacekeeping superhero organization to neutral territory, GET THESE FUCKING DUMBASS LOSERS OUT OF THIS FUCKING STORY GOD DAMN IT
Let me see if I can properly convey just how completely bored of Ascians I am. I need to get this out of my head. I’d been thinking I’d give the title of The Worst Part to the transitional cutscenes between A Realm Reborn’s final story segments and the start of Heavensward, so we have that shitshow to look forward to, but after thinking about them more, I think I have to give the title to the Ascians. They are The Worst Part of Final Fantasy 14.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 31: Moving On, Money, Morals, And Minfilia’s Mom
Should I do the Binding Coil raids? Level 71 Scholar ally says I should but he actually likes this game.
Yknow what, think I’m just gonna skip it again. If it’s any good or contains important worldbuilding, it ain’t my fuckin fault it’s not part of the Mess Queue. It’s not like it’s going to make Heavensward any better since Heavensward basically chucks the majority of ARR in the bin and tells a completely unrelated story of its own, so one wonders why even keep ARR around at all.
The whole point of this blog is for me to scream at this game’s main story because it sucks and I hate it. I want to hurt it. Forgive me for making assumptions here but I generally understood the “Main Story Quests” as being the quest line that tells the main story. That’s what I want to focus on, because this is the critical path the developers specifically wanted every player to play (except those who pay extra), and my whole thesis is basically thus: If you want to force every new player to go through this experience, YOU NEED TO FUCKING DO BETTER THAN THIS SHIT WHEN YOU ARE CRAFTING THAT EXPERIENCE.
I don’t care if other stuff in the game is great, because we’re not talking about the other stuff here. Binding Coil can suck an onion. Gotta slog through Crystal Tower again, that’s plenty more than enough Raid crap to deal with.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 29: Such Devastation
Gaius transforms like a magical girl and then we get exactly the uninteresting boss fight this dumbass deserves.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 28: Gaius van Baelsar
We take a big elevator down and lose contact with Cid cuz of interference. On the way down, Gaius drops in from above somehow. Not sure what he was doing up there. I kinda thought he was down below doing the whole activating Ultima Weapon thing, but expecting anything to make sense at this point just makes me the idiot, doesn’t it.
Final Fantasy 14 Part 27: Oh Hey I’m Still Here I Guess
This took a while to write down because it’s really long and really stupid and I didn’t know where to break it up into multiple posts. Plus I took a lovely little vacation back into trying to make a mod for Dawn of War: Soulstorm, but that’s somehow an even bigger waste of time than this so let’s get back into it.
PRAETORIUM!
It’s been a strange and difficult thing to examine Praetorium in detail after having been very effectively trained to ignore it.